i am thinking about my new Five Year Resolutions..



one) Health - Physically Fit


This is always on my mind.. peaceable or not.






calmly or ... well, full of rage!!






But never the less.. always on my mind.



i feel there has been great moments in my life... real goal achieving moments towards my fitness level and shape shifting on my body .. but it seems i either pettier out .. burn out .. or both which is a complete and total stop.





where does looking gorgeous, ideal weight, smokin hot, physically able, feeling amazing, eating right and within your body/family/place of living,, all get sorted. .. The balance is so tricky. Or is it.


i am learning that although setting ones mind is amazing. .. it has let me down. i have honestly believed that i could will power myself through whatever comes my way. And even with a steady pattern of burn out.. i still think (thought!) i could buckle down .. muster up all the determination and self control, and i would win .. sigh.. the only problem is once in that mind set .. i do not want to leave room for any set backs.. anything resembling slacking. Especially anything to slow me down... which has always been for the most part sickness. Diabetes to be more specific.


This last month working out with my husband in our home has been really inspiring. He knows, if not as much .. more than i do about diabetes... (he is just that kind of a supportive, informative caring guy) So if i am too tired.. or more than any other reason.. my sugar levels are high ..
i don't have to worry what he is thinking of me not working out that day... no.. no worries about him..

Not working out because my blood is too full of sugar........... makes me the very opposite of calm. ... needless to say... it is a full on battle.

i had a rough two weeks in January. And just when we had a good thing going, routines were being set, people were moving and we were feeling the strength that comes with working hard for good things. Then i got sick. ..and the first two days i understood and i stood. But it didn't take long before it was all i could do to just stand in what i knew to be true. i really had to be on my game .. or i would sink fast. Depression must be the opposite of achievement.. But again, no pressure from my newest workout buddy. He took care of me. We watched lots of inspiring TV shows.. and had lots of encouraging thoughts on what we will be doing.. and how much stronger we would be getting and how good it was for me to rest while my body fought the sickness... how thankful he was that i was making healthy food choices for our family to eat. And always lifting me up in prayer. ... nice guy huh.
All i could think about, is how it sucks to not be in control (even if that is an illusion at the best of times).. and how a batch of cookies would cure everything... which .. smile.. i did nOt bake. (thank you Jesus) ... i have choices and decisions that can slow my progress down considerably .. and then i have choice about what it is i will choose to do next .. Keep on keeping, and just waiting .... its in those waiting times i think about the length of my time. And it is never long enough.
God knows the hour and day...i do not. i am ok with that (when all healthy and strong-haha).. but yeah, i usually fail that testing/waiting to-get-well time, at some point. (within two dayz!!) lol.. i am full of moans to Him. and moments of ..other. But i feel He can handle it. And He can.

i did recover. smile.. and me and my man got right back to it. i love that we are working hard toward life changing goals.. There are limits in a day. And it isn't going to be this next week that i see the results i want. Not even in several !!!!! .. But ..
It will be 'A' next week. i love that my man has a loooooong term goal.. one that we will benefit from for the rest of our lives. Good Lord willing.

Hey that is pretty good.. i just smiled with passionate warmth.